IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY
IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY: Below is a clip of a family favorite movie, Inside Out...at least my favorite...don't know if my guys truly enjoy it or if they subject themselves to movies like this just to spend time with me. We have watched this movie many times over and enjoy seeing the different emotions of each character.
The main character is an 11 year-old named Riley. In the clip below we see that each emotion is given a persona that expresses what Riley is going through in various situations. One of Riley's emotions is named Joy (the green character); she works hard to stabilize each emotion with happiness, or hence the name, joy, making sure EVERY moment is joyful. In this movie Riley's parents had to pick up and move and it's clear that she is not adjusting well. She missed her friends and all the activities they did together. But Joy, endlessly, tries to think up the next best solution to maintain Riley's joy.
Another one of Riley's emotions is Sadness (the blue character); she's my favorite...not because I like feeling sad...no not at all! I'll explain! Throughout the movie Sadness was not allowed to be involved in the process of Riley's emotions like Anger, Disgust, Fear and Joy was allowed. She was isolated and criticized for getting "too" involved. Somehow this has been the message of society...the message of the church...that it is NOT okay to experience Sadness, that it's NOT okay to NOT be okay.
Years ago I was afraid of NOT being okay in front of people, fearful that I would be judged as weak or wallowing in self-pity. Yes, that is the stigma surrounding people who experience sadness. Feeling sadness has somehow been equated to having little or no faith. I wonder how we, as Christians, reconcile Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He was in deep anguish...some translations say "in deep sorrow, even to the point of death" (Matt. 26:36-46, NIV). After He cried out to God, Jesus concluded "not my will but Your will Father". Afterwards, the Angel of God tended to Him and from there He was led to the cross. Jesus courageously, yet with grief, completed the task set before Him.
In the clip below Sadness is ministering to Bing Bong, Riley's imaginative friend, who is deeply saddened that his rocket was sent to the dump, and that this meant that Riley would forget about him. Sadness empathizes with Bing Bong while Joy stands by criticizing her for making him "feel worse". Sadness allows Bing Bong to process his feelings, like God allowed Jesus to process his feelings. After Bing Bong weeped on Sadness' shoulder he got up feeling better and ready to move forward, just like we see with Jesus.
Years ago while attending a certain church I finally found the freedom to cry out to God during service, and after church I was pulled aside by a certain individual who asked if everything was okay and that ministers "don't do that". I thought..."Do what?" In that service I remember lifting my hand, looking up to heaven with my face turned towards a wall and crying out to God. What I perceived from this conversation is that ministers should be poised in such a way that it appears that we do not go through hardship. Honestly, I think this is why we see the many woes of church leadership, because men and women of God are not permitted to express the inevitable grief that comes with shepherding a flock.
Saints of God, not every day is a good day. There will be days that life will hit us blow by blow. The good news is that we can balance faith and sadness. Too often I see society as a whole, not just Christians, working in overload to find solutions to silence sadness. I have heard this message over and over again throughout sermons and counseling sessions. This endless work in wanting people to be happy all the time is unrealistic and it's often because feel uncomfortable and unsure about how to help others who are hurting.
One of the first lessons of my career in Psychology and Christian Counseling is understanding the power of presence. We don't have to be chatty, just be fully available and listen, maybe reflect what the person is saying, and empathize. Most importantly, care for the person's immediate needs (i.e. water, food, clothing, comfort, etc), but please refrain from saying that "Everything is going to be okay." Uhh, uhh...don't do that. From a Christian perspective, I know that everything is going to be okay, but that doesn't mean that what I am going through doesn't hurt. For me, IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.
