Walls of Defense

Walls of Defense

October 23, 2017

Growing up in a home where domestic violence was the norm, and a community where sexual predators were plentiful, and as a reject from my family system because of my “illegitimacy”, I became skillful in protecting myself from people, especially those that hurt me, and the deep sorrow that threatened to crush me. Distrust was my confidant; Anger and Coldness cut people off at the knees when they got too close; Rebellion lashed out against the world since Righteousness and Purity “betrayed” me…giving me over too many times to my enemy. Hardness protected me from the grips of Vulnerability. Sarcasm silenced Reason and Flattery. To my grandmother, I became the snake that bites. Early in my marriage I was the pit bull that would fight. As a pastor’s granddaughter, reared in my grandparent’s home, I was taught to feel no pain, to uphold perfect Christian values for the sake of the family’s reputation and image. I despised this message. The reality of my “stuff” would taint that pretty little image. But, with diligence I protected the family’s secrets with cinderblocks and concrete. This was my Wall of Defense built by painful experiences, the wall that nearly cost me my marriage.

We are built with the natural instinct to survive. When we sense a threat to our well being the sympathetic nervous system is designed to enable us to escape these threats – elevating the heart rate in preparation of flight, inhibiting the digestive system so that bathroom breaks and stopping to eat doesn’t cost you your life. Picture this same system overwhelmed with one trauma after the other and in a constant state of alarm, not giving the parasympathetic nervous system the opportunity to do its job of relaxing the body, to bring the body back into homeostasis. This constant state of alarm had become my new norm; my system had become hijacked and rewired. And, I required that people become adjusted and willing to maintain my rewired system. People had the responsibility of keeping my wall intact – nothing that they struggled with in their own personal lives could trigger the pain that I had already suffered or represented a stone in my wall. I had no capacity to tolerate anything that was counterproductive of keeping my wall secure. For example, a person’s desire for intimacy triggered the pain of sexual abuse; therefore, their attempts at closeness would be forbidden and any further attempts would get them cut off completely. I had become my own god…knowing what I needed, and people had become my god…giving me what I needed.

The company I kept with Distrust, Anger, Coldness, Rebellion, Hardness and Sarcasm was an open invitation to Isolation, Loneliness, Anxiety and Depression. So subtly, I was deceived…not knowing when my initial and healthy intent to survive shifted into an unhealthy pattern of behavior.

The problem was embedded in how I processed the traumatic experiences. I despised Brokenness, when in fact these traumas beckoned me to experience Brokenness. I resisted. Pride had convinced me that Humiliation, Grief, Vulnerability and Defeat would overwhelm me to the point of not being able to rise again. I was deceived to think that there was a way over or around these painful experiences…and actually, there was…through Unforgiveness. Unforgiveness led me to disconnect from social interaction for fear of being hurt on the account of what someone else did. 

I was paralyzed, held hostage from the enjoyment of life.

I was now on a mission to escape the negative thought processes that held me hostage. I challenged Pride’s idea that Brokenness could not be trusted. I challenged my family’s religious view that I must uphold the perfect image, by becoming a student of the Holy Bible and discovering the Truth for myself. I became curious as to why Jesus would choose Brokenness and Forgiveness rather than Retaliation and Unforgiveness.

The thought of welcoming Brokenness was terrifying, but it was not as overwhelming as the thought of being held hostage for the rest of my life. I wondered what this would look like in a practical sense. This wondering brought about some crippling anxiety as I came to the realization of the length of this healing journey.

Jesus is by far the perfect example of health, wholeness, freedom, and an abundant life. Through Brokenness He declared Victory. Though He knew the painful experiences He had to go through He focused on His day-to-day missions, yet honest about how He was emotionally affected as He cried out to God. He focused on His mission that brought Freedom for all rather than allowing His emotions to ill-inform Him of the numerous distractions that tempted to deter and hinder Him. Through Brokenness Jesus is able to empathize with my Brokenness, having been tempted in more ways than I ever had (Heb. 4:15). I concluded that there were two ways to handle Brokenness…1. Become the offender because of those who offended me. Or, 2. Empathize with people’s painful experiences and desire for them to know and experience the fullness of life. Well, I had already tried number one, which yielded snake and pit bull characteristics, and ultimately Depression. I am comforted in knowing that Jesus desired my healing and with my healing I am able to comfort others. In this way, we increase our capacity to be tolerable when others are struggling. We increase our capacity to display the fruits of the Spirit, to extend the grace and forgiveness that we received from God.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us (1 Cor. 1:4).

A Prayer: Father God, I remember coming to you with my wall on. You desired that I let You in, but honestly, I felt betrayed by You…a loving God. I didn’t see You as loving, in fact, I didn’t think I mattered to You, just as I didn’t to the world it seemed. We stared face-to-face for a long time…me stubborn to the idea of You chiseling at my wall with Your love and wisdom, fearing that without my wall there was nothing to hold my upright…a fear that more trauma lied ahead and would catch me in my vulnerable state. I remember the long hard stare I gave You, refusing to be moved by the tender love that radiated from You. You didn’t even say a word. I broke silence. I began to plead my case and You just listened. You stayed with me through every emotion and harsh word. Your caring gaze was fixed on me; You ached for me You let me do the talking prayer after prayer until I emptied thoughts and questions that went through my mind about my horrific childhood experiences for years. I remember Your first response was a long embrace, no words, You just held me. When You did speak it was brief, not too overwhelming. You didn’t force me to see the whole picture in one day. Sometimes it was a word, short phrase or question to ponder…like, “What’s the gift of Your tragedies?”

So take my friend, who is reading this to that secret place, their own place…like You did for me and like You did for Jesus. Hear their cry, be attentive to the sensitive details of their story that has kept them bound. Help them to see that You are present as they present their case. Sometimes we fear Your wrath if we present with anger, fear that You will see it as a disrespect. It is not a disrespect, but a release of the crippling pain that we have held in for so long.

Comfort my friend. Let the radiance of Your love hold them close. Let Your impenetrable wings wrap around them and let the power of Your glorious presence restore them to life in the places they have been constantly robbed. Gently dismantle every stone that is the result of painful experiences, and like Joseph, give them the vision and opportunity to use it for Your glory and to their good. Fill them with Your strength to conquer Your purpose. May they know the lowly place that they have been has gifted them with the ability to be sensitive and empathize with other people’s pain, so that they too may know the love You have comforted them with. Summon their angels, give them the charge to keep my friend in perfect peace, even on stormy days. Give their angels the charge to fill their cup each time they give out so that feel no lack, in Jesus name, Amen.   

Practical Steps to Freedom:

·      Personifying feelings and their messages, being honest about my experience with them and challenging their messages with the Truth. Journaling.

·      Feel the pain and trust that God hears your cry; He will avenge you and deliver you. Find the supporting Scriptures

·      Set goals to do life differently. For example, having distrust for people is common. But be patient with the process of establishing friendships by investing in building the relationship through quality time and transparency. Be intentional. Don’t lay out your whole life at once. Note how people handle the small amount of information you give them.

·      Exposure Therapy: Expose yourself to the very thing you fear, as long as it does not cause harm. For example, I feared going out to restaurants to eat for fear of being stared at and judged. New action…I take myself out to eat until I am no longer anxious about it

·      Focus on one task at a time. Seeing yourself as capable and valuable. Not staring so far into the future that I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done and allowing that to cause doubt

·      Saying what God says about me, embracing it, and allow the energy of those words be the force and passion that goes into each daily tasks

Unforgiveness: The Punisher and The Paralytic

Unforgiveness: The Punisher and The Paralytic

    

            A few years ago I took several trips to Virginia for some on-campus intensive classes for my major in Professional Counseling. I understand now why they call them intensives; this was an understatement. One of the classes was on group therapy, and my peers and I were the pseudo clients and therapists in our class exercises. As one of the class exercises got underway, initially, I thought this would be more like drama; nothing too serious would come out of it. To set the stage, Professor Joy asked for a volunteer to present their family system and dynamics by assigning each student a role who would represent each person in the family.

            A young lady, who we will call Trish, came forward without hesitation, assigned roles and presented an ongoing issue in her family. Professor Joy also asked Trish to assign common responses to each family member represented in response to the ongoing issue for the content in discussion. I thought I would just be able to sit back and observe since I was not assigned a role…until…Professor Joy asked Trish, “Don’t you have a relationship with God?” to which Trish responded, “Yes.” Professor Joy asked, “Do you mind if Valerie represented the role of God?” to which Trish responded, “Not at all. She sure can.” Reluctantly, I stepped into this role. It was terrifying. I didn’t think I could do God any justice. I thought back on those times where I thought I was god in certain circumstances, “fixing” my own issues, only to be humbled in the process and reminded that I was not God. If it was God’s purpose to remind me of that I was at a place in my life where I did not need that lesson again.

            I knew coming into this role that it was not by chance that I was asked to do this, so I made every effort to guard my heart. As the group exercise got underway I was amazed at the therapeutic results of Trish’s dialogue and interaction with her pseudo-family. When Trish assigned me God’s response to her situation, when the time came, I made sure I said it in the most heartfelt way…”I Am with you and will comfort you always. You are my daughter.” I kept it brief; I made eye contact; I just cared for her. That’s what the Spirit guided me to do since I was struggling with some skepticism of how effective this exercise could be. I thought, “Whew! I did it.” But, something else was brewing that almost swept me off my feet.

            After the exercise, one-by-one we all detached from our role, respectively, before moving into a class discussion about our personal and professional experience. For example, “Hi Trish. My name is Valerie, and I am not God!” During our discussion Trish talked about her wonderful experience, but unbeknownst to anyone a storm was brewing. As Professor Joy made her way around the circle, out of somewhere, Bobby says, “I just wanted to punch God in the face.” Apparently, I did not guard my heart well, as I was triggered. I was stunned speechless. After class was over, Karen, one of my classmates who was riding with me that day went back to our hotel and sat in the parking lot for 3 hours trying to make sense of what just happened. I didn’t realize it affected her too. I was thankful that I didn’t feel alone in this. While I felt justified to be angry I was still very unsettled. I was on a mission to find out why I was triggered. How did I end up taking this personally?

            Then, late in the night God revealed to me what it was…it was my past. As a child I always struggled with the neglect and abandonment from my parents, and one of the Scriptures that I clung to was Psalm 27:10-11, “When my mother and father forsake me the Lord will take me up and lead me in a clear path.” Over the years I have come to embrace God as my mother and my father, and in Him I found a security that could not be threatened. Do you remember a time in your school years where someone talked about your mother or father, and how that represented fighting words? The offender was dared to meet after school, at 3 o’clock, where it was sure to go down. Well, this was the battle in my mind, ready to defend God who did not need to be defended. This was lesson one: This offense was not against me but against God. Lesson two was the most profound.

The Punisher

            As I continue to struggle with resolving my anger in the night, God said, “I can’t get to Bobby.” I didn’t understand so I kept asking for clarity, and He would repeat this several times, “I can’t get to him.” I finally realized that I was in the way. My anger and resentment had become Bobby’s punishment. I had become the punisher. Bobby knew that I was angry the day I left class, and I could just see the guilt-ridden countenance on his face. In my mind, yes, he deserved to be weighed down with guilt. But, this is where most people get stuck in unforgiveness, ultimately becoming the offender rather than the offended. I had become like the prophet Jonah.

            Jonah refused – for a time – to deliver a message from God to Ninevah. He didn’t want to help these people who had been wicked and cruel to the people of Israel. He wanted them to suffer; besides, they deserved it. He knew that this message could spark a sense of urgency and cause them to repent, and as a result, God would be compassionate and seek to save them from their just punishment. Jonah would rather see them extinguished than saved. It is this thought process that threatens to turn our hearts cold and hard, not only affecting the people that hurt us but also each person we encounter. Reluctantly, Jonah accepted his mission, but his heart was certainly in a better position than it would have been had he continued to refuse.

            We often find ourselves in the place of the punisher because we have concluded, like Jonah, that God is too compassionate and too kind, that it is very well possible that He will be merciful and not hold our offenders fully accountable. So, we wrestle with God…He is saying, “Move. Let me deal with them.” but we say, “No. You, God, are going to love them to the point that they just might forget what they have done.”

            The next day in class Professor Joy noticed that I had checked out. Forget answering questions or participating; just let me get back to Arizona because I refuse to “move”. I was stuck. I couldn’t run to righteous indignation but I also could not “move”, but I felt a sense of urgency to resolve this. I just didn’t know how. Professor Joy pulled me aside in the first few minutes of class, having already pieced together what contributed to my disengagement, she asked about how I was affected. She then suggested that this issue be presented in a group therapy exercise. What?!?! She followed up with Bobby to let him know about the group exercise. I could tell he was just as displeased as I was. Though displeased with having to present this issue in a group setting I knew that this was a divine avenue that would present me with the opportunity to move. God must have known that I could not do this on my own.

            Professor Joy presented a brief overview of the group’s exercise from the previous day to set the stage for the exercise. One of the most important rules was to only talk about what was happening for us, personally; we could not blame or attack someone else. Then, I was given the floor to speak. I had to choose…continue to be stubborn, angry and resentful, or release Bobby and allow God to deal with his heart. I decided to release him. I explained what triggered me and even expressed the hurt and anger that I still had towards him. To be able to verbalize that I wanted to “punch him in the face” was freeing, then I explained why I could not do that, giving him the message that I was given in prayer, “to move”. I explained that the only thing that my anger and resentment could do for him was cause him to be burdened with guilt and shame. God said, “Why would I burden him all the more? It would be too much for him.” I could only affect his conscious, but God could affect his heart. I sought to condemn him, but God was seeking to save him. I thought, “If I was truly on a mission to ‘win souls’ for the kingdom this was the greatest opportunity.”

            Bobby opened up about his struggles – the loss of pastoral leadership at his church, amongst other things. He did not feel God’s presence was with him always. He felt forsaken, and as a result he was very angry with God. It was not about me, per se. It was just easier for him to tell God what he has wanted to say as I stood in that role. I was an easier target to project his anger onto, Bobby explained, and he apologized for doing so.

            I was skeptical of this group therapy’s effectiveness in providing a therapeutic experience, but the irony is that it became the vehicle that enhanced my ability to be more self-aware, to forgive, and to promote emotional healing in myself and others.

            After returning home to Arizona I sent Bobby an email to capture how I empathized with him and how I was praying for him. I thought he would never email back but he did, 3 months later, explaining that he was able to seek the help he needed and had begun to make progress in his healing process. Sometimes I wonder, “What if I had not decided to move? Would I have become a stumbling block for him?”

What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees, Hypocrites! For you shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people’s faces. You won’t go in yourselves, and you don’t let others enter either (Matt. 23:13, NLT)

The Paralytic

            Unforgiveness has its subtle way of monopolizing our future. Like Jonah, we allow the hurt that people have caused us to arrest our future, the plans that God has for us. Sometimes it is our inability to forgive ourselves. But, I have wondered if we purposely monopolize our own future by relying on something or someone to offend us so to give us a legitimate reason to abandon the calling that God has on our lives. For Jonah, it was the people of Ninevah; for Moses, it was his speech; and for Gideon, it was the weakness and inferiority of his clan. Each one of them called to a very hard thing that they felt they could not accomplish. I’m sure there are times that we are tempted to run away like Jonah. When people hurt me it was easier to become isolated, untrusting, and unloving…the call to love and engage people seemed too hard anyway, but now I had a good reason to not do these things. This was just the legitimate excuse I needed to run from ministry, counseling and massage therapy. When it seemed like the affect and impact of the offense wore off, guess what? You are right about it…I would look for a fight, to make sure I was the offended...all of this because I was terrified of heights, not just physical heights, but spiritual and career heights. I made sure I stayed paralyzed. This was easier than going through any of the processes of my professions.

            Remember the paralyzed man brought to Jesus by his four friends; they lowered him through a roof to be healed. In the past few years I have become increasingly curious about how Jesus chose to heal him, to forgive his sins rather than touch him to raise him up or to speak directly to his ailment as He had done with so many others. Why was Jesus addressing his sins? In various sermons that I have heard, the faith of the four friends is often emphasized. From another angle of this Scripture, it seems to me that Jesus was addressing sin due to the Shame and Guilt experienced that can make us feel paralyzed.

            When assessing the sins we have committed, Shame and Guilt grows from that and can lead us to a place of feeling worthless, hopeless, unwanted, etc. I believe that Jesus addressed the sins of this man to tap into and release him from the gripping struggles of these feelings. Metaphorically, many of us are that man. We may not be literally lying on a mat and unable to move but our lack of motivation to go after the things that God has called us to can result in spiritual paralysis.

Forgive

            Why is forgiveness important? How do you know when you have forgiven? It’s not tangible. We can choose to stay stuck by expending our energy on holding people hostage with our anger and resentment, or become dependent on people offending us for fear of embracing our calling, or continue to condemn ourselves for past sins and become paralyzed. But, the truth is this: anger and resentment hold us captive as we replay offenses over and over again in our mind – entrapped in negative thoughts -- and there is no productivity in dependency and self-condemning behavior. In all of this we become the offender rather than the offended.

            There is an unbearable expectation that we put on others when we are unable to forgive. We expect, subconsciously, that no one will offend or hurt us. I will confess that there was a time when I expected that people in authoritative roles, such as teachers, pastors/leaders, parents, religious people and mentors would not hurt me. I thought, “They should know better.” I left no room for their human flaws. The expectation of perfection was unrealistic. Leave room for people’s humanness. Release them from your laws of expectation.

            We all have belief systems influenced and shaped by our family, peers, religious affiliation and environment. We have come to some healthy and unhealthy conclusions about how a person should conduct himself or herself morally. When we try to force these ideologies on someone else that lives by different values or views unforgiveness starts to take root through anger and resentment when we feel our views are rejected. Accept other’s differences. Empathize.

            For example, Bobby is a pastor and I had reasoned in my mind that he should influence people to love God rather than punch God, but in Bobby’s humanness he struggled. He was damaged. After hearing about the difficult times he was having I was moved with compassion, remembered being in that same place years ago, and at times still get frustrated with God. Lowering my defenses allowed me to hear, understand and empathize with Bobby. I became more and more willing to move, no longer allowing my anger and resentment to be darts and used up energy. More times than not we will discover that people are not purposely malicious, but if they are establishing boundaries are in order.

            It is so important to remember that we are all created in the image of God, each bearing the likeness of His image – created for a specific function in the body of Christ. Just think about how your own body functions: skeletal, muscle, and blood. Imagine all the little cells that are responsible for each bodily function – that’s us – tons of little cells, and damaged daily (See 1 Cor. 12). But with the help from other cells, regeneration occurs to repair what has been damaged. In our emotional health, if we stunt the repair process it can be damaging to others and us. I remember when I was damaged to the point of isolation until I had this revelation about others being created in the image of God – having His likeness.

            The revelation was presented like this, “If you choose to remain isolated you will miss Me (God). To each person I have given a portion of Myself; coming to know them is discovering more of Me.” I didn’t want to miss God. I want the fullness of Him. So upon my conviction, I dared to trust, to love, to experience and be experienced, all on the hope and promise of experiencing more of God through people.

            Many of us will say with our mouths that we do not expect people to be perfect, but when hurtful circumstances arise there is a tendency to lean towards anger and resentment, which fuels unforgiveness, rather than applying social and communication skills to resolve issues. I want to encourage a new direction to lean – lean in the direction supplying life to damaged cells. Choose to be emotionally healthy:

·      Take responsibility in managing your own emotions

·      Take courage over your fears; Embrace life; Dare to be you

·      Establish appropriate boundaries with unsafe people

·      Develop in social and communication skills to resolve issues

·      Release people from the burden of expectations

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matt. 6:14-15).

Confrontation with Life

There are issues of life

some too painful to face

Unbearable to lay down under

For fear of not being able to rise again

Escaping seems like the best option

But the issue nor the pain really goes away

No matter how hard I try not to think about it

It recycles through my mind day-by-day

It keeps calling me to confront it

There's no other way around it

Through the valley

Sure to encounter this unwanted burden

Offering my life as a sacrifice to this pain

I don't want to feel this 

It's too much

My tears have become my food and drink

Stress hormones are suppressing my appetite

What choice did Jesus have, other than to drink this cup?

He took up His cross

Shed His blood

Laid down His life

So that I may live

Compared to this,

My resistance is now looking like a tantrum

I take a deep breath

I peer down in the valley

I take a deep breath

I see in the distance another peak of a mountain 

I train my eyes ahead

I strap on my armor

I take up my cross

The voice of a warrior wailing inside of me

One step, two steps, three..."Forward!!!"

Sword in hand 

Determined not to be stripped of peace

Violently I move through the valley to conquer what has been trying to conquer me...

Where I Am and Where I Want To Be

Where I am and Where I Want To Be

Where I am is hard to embrace because I know where I want to be

Where I want to be seem so far off and it seems that my peers are passing me

I see my potential and I understand the process to reach God’s promises

But to start at step one would be rudimentary and humiliating compared to others

My pride won’t let me admit that in some areas I need some development

Where I am…there are no accolades in the step-by-step approach

My peers may think, “She should already know the ropes.”

To conform I abandon who I am and clothe myself with a façade

Giving the illusion that I am where I want to be

Now I’m at war…fighting to be like them and rejecting the idea of being me

I won’t embrace the process for fear of being judged

An imposter

Who leaves their potential hanging in the balance

How will I ever become all that God wants me to be?

Through humility

To accept me

To fully appreciate that I was molded fearfully and wonderfully

With purpose

That I too am equally important to the Body

Given a specific role and function that no else can accomplish

If I don’t take up my cross the body will malfunction

Do I really want to be held accountable for this dysfunction?

But I look at me and I look at them and think, “Will I turn out as glamorous?”

Where I want to be I can see it clearly…

I want it so desperately

Help me God to weed out and prioritize what motivates me

Help me God to shift my focus from seeking my glory to Your Glory

In Jesus Name, Amen!

1 Pet. 4:10 NLT God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

Romans 12:3-5 Because of the privilege and authority, God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

Romans 12:6-8 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Matt. 25:28-30  “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Col. 3:23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

2 Tim. 1:6-7 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

1 Cor. 1:27-29 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world; things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

Luke 16:10  “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. 

Psalm 139:13-18 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up you are still with me!

 Matt. 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

1 Cor. 12:4-7 There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.

1 Cor. 12:22-25 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other.

1 Cor. 12:27 All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.